Those Advice shared by A Father Which Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"I think I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

But the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good place. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a wider failure to talk between men, who continue to hold onto damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a show of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a respite - going on a couple of days away, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a family member, your other half or a professional what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their pain, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."